Around our offices in Pittsburgh’s North Hills, a fawn is a beautiful creature sometimes spotted along the edge of the woods, quietly grazing on the natural foliage. But “fawn” also has a negative connotation—one that points toward an individual’s desire for safety and protection.
In this context, fawning behavior is a desire to please others—especially abusers—to avoid physical, mental, or emotional harm.
This behavior can disrupt relationships and damage one’s overall health, so it’s important to identify and overcome fawning whenever possible.
Read our full blog post to learn more, or use our table of contents to jump ahead.
Table of Contents
What Is Fawning?
What Is A Fawning Response?
How to Overcome Fawning Behavior
Find A Pittsburgh Therapist
Final Thoughts On Fawning Behavior
What Is Fawning?
The word “fawning” is interchangeable with “people-pleasing behavior.” Basically, fawning is when you go out of your way to avoid conflict or upsetting other people.
It’s one of our four instinctive responses to danger:
- Fight – The fight response involves confronting or resisting a perceived threat head-on.
- Flight – The flight response urges you to escape danger, physically or emotionally.
- Freeze – Freeze is the body’s version of “playing dead.” When neither fighting nor fleeing seems safe or possible, people may emotionally shut down or dissociate.
- Fawn – Fawning involves prioritizing others’ needs at the expense of your own in an effort to avoid conflict and secure safety. While it may look like kindness or cooperation on the surface, chronic fawning often stems from fear, especially fear of rejection, abandonment, or harm.
What Is A Fawning Response?
A fawning response is a trauma response. As previously mentioned, a fawning response uses people-pleasing behavior to avoid conflict and promote safety.
Fawning behavior may include:
- Prioritizing the needs of others, even if it means neglecting your own needs.
- Difficulty saying “no,” especially if it would mean creating tension or conflict.
- Seeking approval and validation, even from people who are abusive or manipulative.
Sadly, fawning response is often a coping mechanism developed as a direct response to past traumas, including abuse endured during childhood or in a relationship.
How to Overcome Fawning Behavior
Overcoming fawning behavior requires patience, self-awareness, and the right kind of support. Many therapists use a combination of evidence-based approaches to help clients work through their fawning response and build healthier boundaries and relationships. Some of those approaches include:
1. Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS therapy helps individuals explore the different “parts” of themselves—such as the part that wants to please others, the part that feels unsafe, or the part that’s angry about being overlooked. By getting to know these internal parts and their roles, clients can begin to heal from trauma and regain a sense of internal harmony.
2. Ego State Work
Similar to IFS, ego state therapy identifies fragmented parts of the self that developed in response to trauma. These “ego states” often formed to keep us safe during difficult times. By working directly with these states in a safe, supportive environment, clients can begin to integrate them into a healthier sense of self.
3. Setting Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for moving beyond fawning. Learning to recognize your own limits—and express them without guilt—is a powerful way to reclaim autonomy. Therapists can help clients identify where boundaries are needed, practice assertive communication, and rebuild a sense of personal agency.
4. Somatic Therapy
Fawning is not just a mental pattern—it’s a physiological one, too. Somatic therapy helps clients tune into the sensations in their bodies, regulate their nervous systems, and process stored trauma physically. This body-based approach can be especially helpful for those who struggle to identify or verbalize their emotions.
5. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
Because fawning often stems from unresolved trauma, EMDR can be a powerful treatment. EMDR works by helping the brain reprocess traumatic memories in a way that reduces emotional distress and physical tension. For many clients, EMDR helps address the root of fawning behavior and reduce the fear that fuels it.
Find A Pittsburgh Therapist
Our Pittsburgh therapists can help individuals dig into the reasons behind their fawning behavior—then develop strategies to overcome it.
Contact us for a free consultation, or look through our team of compassionate therapists to find someone you’d love to work with.
Final Thoughts On Fawning Behavior
As we mentioned earlier, fawning behavior includes people-pleasing tactics to promote safety and avoid conflict. Individuals who engage in fawning behavior often do so while neglecting their own physical, mental, and emotional needs, which could have dire health consequences.
If you or a loved one shows evidence of engaging in fawning behavior, consider consulting with a licensed therapist to discuss past traumas and find a protective support network that can help develop a sense of self-worth.