We’ve all heard it before: About 50% of marriages end in divorce. 

It’s a heartbreaking truth, and the issues that drive divorce forward can cause undue stress, anxiety, and depression—especially in issues of “gray divorce” (a growing trend where couples divorce after they’ve both turned 50 years old). 

Therapy can help. In fact, research shows that therapy can benefit 70% of couples—a powerful testament to its strength and benefits. 

Unfortunately, marriage couples counseling is underutilized. Despite nearly half of marriages having serious issues:

• Only 19% of couples seek out couples therapy. (Oklahoma Department of Human Services)
• Only 37% of couples work with a professional counselor or therapist before finalizing a divorce. (Oklahoma Department of Human Services)
• The average couple suffers through six years of issues before seeking professional help. (The Gottman Institute)

Don’t fall into the same trap. To help your marriage stand the test of time, consider using marriage couples counseling. Use our table of contents to jump to the section most relevant to you: 

Table of Contents

Is Marriage Couples Counseling Right For You?
What Does A Marriage Couples Counseling Session Look Like?
Marriage Counseling With The Gottman Method
Should You Attend Individual Therapy Before Attending Couples Counseling?
Find A Pittsburgh Marriage Couples Counseling Therapist

Is Marriage Couples Counseling Right For You?

Marriage counseling could be perfect for you if you struggle in a few different areas: 

1. You Want Different Things or Have Different Life Goals

We often see couples disagree on a wide variety of issues. Some of the biggest include:

• Whether or not to have kids, including in instances of voluntary childlessness or involuntary childlessness
• Financial decisions and stress
• Where to live

We always recommend talking to your spouse about their wants and needs before marriage so that there are no surprises after marriage. 

2. You Struggle to Communicate Without Fighting Or Arguing

Couples who struggle to communicate are great candidates for couples therapy, especially if you struggle to chat about important life goals, house projects, childrearing, or other major life concerns without descending into a fight or argument. 

Therapy can help these couples establish a clear, consistent, open, and honest line of communication that remains respectful and conscientious of both side’s wants and needs. 

So, how important is communication? In our experience, couples who succeed with polyamory (having multiple sexual romantic or sexual partners in a non-monogamous relationship) often have great communication—even better communication than happily married couples who’ve been committed to each other for years. 

That’s the power of great communication!

3. Jealousy or Infidelity

Jealousy and infidelity can fracture a marriage and lead to feelings of resentment, distrust, and worthlessness. 

Couples therapy can assist in creating an open line of communication where both sides are heard in a safe, productive environment, and the couple can harmoniously move toward repairing their relationship or amicably splitting up.

What Does A Marriage Couples Counseling Session Look Like?

The structure of a marriage couples counseling session really depends on what’s needed. In many cases, counseling fosters communication with ground rules, such as remaining silent and listening while the other person speaks. 

Oftentimes, the therapy is there to:

• Create a safe space for honest communication. 
• Help facilitate a productive conversation. 
• Facilitate goals for the couple. 
• Remove some of the heightened emotions from the conversation. 

In some cases, therapy helps with “conscious uncoupling”—a process for splitting up a relationship amicably so that there are fewer feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, regret, or frustration. 

The Structure of A Typical Marriage Couples Counseling Session

In short, a couples counseling session might look like this: 

1. Check-In: The therapist welcomes the couple and reviews the previous session, if applicable. The therapist may also ask what the couple wants to focus on during the session. 
2. Agenda: The therapist works with the couple to develop an agenda for the session, and he or she may also reiterate ground rules for a productive therapy session (such as refraining from interrupting). 
3. Communication: Each partner is given the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings about the issues at hand. The therapist is there to encourage active listening. 
4. Exploration: The therapist may help the couple explore topics, thoughts, or emotions in greater detail, and he or she may also encourage communication exercises or conflict resolution. 
5. Goal Setting: The therapist may assist the couple in setting realistic, mutually agreed-upon goals for their relationship, which may be followed up with homework assignments for each partner. 

Of course, the structure of your session may vary depending on your goals, your partner, your concerns, and your therapist. 

Marriage Counseling With The Gottman Method

The Gottman method is a couples counseling technique developed by Dr. John Gottman, an American psychologist and professor who developed a technique for determining which couples would eventually divorce with 93.6% accuracy.  

The Gottman Method of Relationship Therapy follows a few critical principles:

1. Build love maps to understand your partner’s world, including how they think and feel and what they value and hope for. 
2. Express fondness and admiration to demonstrate appreciation. 
3. Turn toward one another for better nonverbal communication. 
4. Accept influence to be open to compromise and even adjust your own preferences. 
5. Solve problems that are solvable, even when a compromise is necessary. 
6. Manage conflict and overcome gridlock to continuously push toward progress. 
7. Create shared meaning to enhance each other’s lives.

By living these principles during therapy and at home, you can better connect with your partner and foster a better relationship that’s built to last. 

Fortunately for you, our therapist Tea Del Rio, LAPC, is a Gottman-trained couples therapist, so you can receive the benefits of the Gottman method right here at My Wellness Center!

Should You Attend Individual Therapy Before Attending Couples Counseling?

You don’t need to attend an individual therapy session before attending therapy as a couple, but it may be beneficial in a few different scenarios:

• You want to test therapy out beforehand. If you’re unsure whether therapy could be a good pathway for you and your spouse, come see what therapy is like as an individual.
• You want to work on yourself individually first. Individual therapy could be the perfect opportunity to identify your own triggers, traumas, anxieties, and other issues that could prevent you from fully engaging in your relationship.  
• You think your spouse may benefit from seeing someone else attend therapy first. Therapy and counseling are foreign concepts to some people, and your spouse may be more receptive to trying it out if they first see someone else going to therapy on a regular basis. 

If you’re struggling to determine whether individual therapy is right for you, look through some of our services to learn more. 

Find A Pittsburgh Marriage Couples Counseling Therapist

If your marriage needs a little extra, contact us. Our compassionate Pittsburgh therapists are standing by to help you through your marriage’s tough patches so you can enjoy a loving, fruitful relationship!